Doubts: Healthy or Crippling?

Doubts. The quintessential stumbling blocks. They are, to me, one of those this that you can't live with yet can't live without.

I personally do not like doubts. For all the classic reasons. I feel unsure, insecure. I am afraid of making a mistake (or of having made one already).

The quality of doubt is the absence of more complete information, and that moving in the dark, eyes unseeing, hands outstretched, reaching forward for something that may and may not be there, is perturbing, to say the least. It creates a fair amount of stress, and coupled with an OCD-driven mind, can be quite taxing.

The frequency of doubts is also an interesting aspect to consider. One would think that as one progresses in life, doubts would reduce as more information is gained. However, I submit that this is only true of theoratical and academic knowledge (ie: I have less doubts using Photoshop now than before). However, when it comes to things like decisions, motivation, purpose... Doubts are as freshly available as ever.

I frequently question how I teach and the methods I use with my students. After every lesson, I almost subconsciously deconstruct what had transpired and examine for learning points. I often query the efficiency of the activities, from what was taught to how it was taught, from what was discussed to how the discussion proceeded. Even the things I said, the 'how's and the 'why's come under scrutiny.

As if this is not sufficient food for thought, I begin to think about whether such a line of enquiry is efficient and beneficial! Talk about knots! :)

After years of such wrangling, I come to the conclusion that, while doubts are very irritating, frustrating and generally a pain in the ass, they are in fact, very necessary. They help me to rationalise my actions, allows me to consider multiple points of view, and to reflect upon my motives behind my actions.

So here I am, 34 years young, and still doubting :)

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