Laughable!

Yes, it really is! I laugh at myself... or at least, now I am :)

I'm laughing at how easily affected I am :) After 33 years (and proud of it!), I am still affected by what people say, what others do, what happens to the ones I love... and after all this time, I don't think I'm going to change :)

Ok, that's unfair (to myself)... I have changed :) I think my ability to control my emotions is (finally!) a little more improved than before, something I am very thankful to God for (what? you thought I managed it on my own? ;) )

But still, I am still very much the same person I was 5, 10 years ago :) Still a sucker for hard-luck stories, still wanting to change the world (ok, pun intended), still believing (yes, yes... the pun continues), and still have no explanation (faintz!) for it all :)

And I guess, after wearing my heart on my sleeve for 33 years, it does have scars; lines of pain that is supposed to warn me away from certain things. Yet, so many of those scars are are not just unavoidable, but they form the basis of who I am :)

And so... ya, I'm laughing :) To myself, at myself... for myself :)

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Stop Moving...

Yes... I need the things in my life to stop moving. It does sound very much like asking the Earth to stop spinning, but yet, it is (to me) most necessary...

To say that 2011 is a year of change would be a colossal understatement. Way way way too much has happened, both good and not so good. Regardless, both represents change. I know I sound very ungrateful when I say it like this, but this is how I feel: I am inundated by this whole miasma of shifting plates, never being able to stand still for a moment, not being able to catch my breath, not even being able to see what lies ahead...

I need to depend on God completely...

Too much is weighing upon me, all needing to be accounted for, all needing to be cared for, all needing... needing... needing... gosh! Yes, I know the human condition is all about needs... but I am human too.

I'm going to stop before I really start ranting; regardless of how I feel, this is still a public domain. I shall not allow my own demoralised spirit to spread to others (even though others have no compunction spreading theirs to everyone else).

I am not being noble when I say this; it is a matter of economy... If I fall, I'd rather fall alone.

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